I woke up this morning due to God’s superfluous grace and mercy! I started my day so grateful, acknowledging His goodness, basking in His glory, however; like Adam and Eve it didn’t take long before I made a mess of things.

I lay in my bed that morning, which is a rarity for a collegiate athlete, and began daydreaming of “romance.” This romance of mine was of a wonderful man asking me to marry him. I say yes, he sweeps me away, I succumb to his provocation, and we make love. I imagine this love making to be so personal, so delicious, so totally awesome and beautiful, like a dream.  ♥♥♥♥

I began to daydream on and on, the images becoming more vivid. What once was a daydream of love making between husband and wife became a graphic and explicit sex novel. My thoughts continued, knowing they were unclean, filthy, and sinful. God wouldn’t be pleased Danielle. “Keep using your imagination though, girl.” I continue.

I validated myself by saying “we are married, “we are engaged,” it couldn’t be helped,” then finally the classic excuse “I’m only human.” Such pitiful excuses for my lascivious thoughts. I continue.

What had happened was….I had a brilliant idea: I should look up real images/clips of sex (aka porn) so that I could have the most accurate image and vision of love making in mind!

The alarms had already gone off in my head. “Don’t do it, girl,” but I also heard a very seducing “gone on ahead. You grown!” as well. I get up out of my warm bed and sit in front of my computer. I create a new user account because I didn’t want that lewd material to download and commingle with my peer reviewed journals and other scholarly work. How noble of me. Truth is I didn’t want porn to appear in my search history just in case someone needed to use my computer. I have a “good girl” image to protect and maintain. I continue.

I type sex in the search engine. Success! I click on the FREE P#*N sites.

Hold up. I keep getting redirected and redirected to different sites asking me to pay for a”free” $20 trial. Nope. Won’t do it. I do have my pride.

I started to give up on my personal research, but then I found this site that instructed me to download its free video program in order to enjoy its free images. Cool. I comply. I had a mission: to obtain images in order to create my perfect love making scenes. Let’s go!

Then BOOM. Flash warning: Your computer has been infected! Say what??? My computer was frozen! I couldn’t log in or out, no control+alt+delete, or escape key save. What just happened? I’ll tell you what happened:

P#RN KILLED MY COMPUTER!

I could not believe this, my innocent personal research ended in disaster. I should have watched Saturday cartoons- Recess, Pepper Ann, The Magic School Bus, the news, something…anything! Better yet, I should have said a prayer and had a little talk with Jesus. I was so sad and disgusted with myself.

I was also disgusted with the images I did come across. They freaked me out. Everything was so….exposed! That’s what the looks like? That goes there? What’s all that? Sex didn’t seem as appealing anymore.

I also felt bad for the women I saw. No little girl has ambitions of becoming the lead in an Adult feature film. I felt I had participated in their exploitation. I had. 

Now I have to get someone to fix my dag on computer. I know they are going to be able to back track to the source of the problem…my porn search. They’ll think the worst of me! I’m so ashamed! The horror! Such the heathen! I’ve been caught red-handed.

Man! Thinking of sex gets you nowhere….well it gets you to the Geek Squad line at Best Buy with a bill you’re too broke to pay because you’re on college scholarship, and they’re real stingy with the money.

Moral of the Story Kids: Think on things of virtue. They don’t damage your hardware.

Embarrassingly Submitted,

Danielle Moses (my naive college self)